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Tell us what you think of the new and improved MegaStar.
It’s been rumoured for some time now, but it looks like it will finally happen. Namely, the Jacksons (or Jackson 5 if you’re really old) are to tour again. This is according to Celebrity Big Brother housemate, and former Jackson (that’s former member of the Jacksons, he’s still actually a Jackson you understand?) Jermaine Jackson, announced it.
This won’t just be the five members of the Jacksons though, it will be a whole family affair including little sister Janet. Though hopefully it won’t include big sister Latoya, that would be painful.
The tour, which they’re currently working on putting together, will be a celebration of everything Jackson, from their early days as the Jackson 5, their middle days as the Jacksons, Michael’s somewhat successful solo career and Janet’s rather popular hitlist as well.
Jermaine stated:
This has been a long time coming for the Jackson family to get back together.
It is going to be more like a family affair. Janet’s going to open and, of course, the original Jackson 5 - Michael, Randy and the whole family - we’re in the studio, we’re planning on being out there next year.
In a sickening display of bad karma, paedophile pop-star Gary Glitter is to get £100,000 from software giant Hewlett Packard after they decided to use one of his tracks in an advert.
Do they not know who he is? Do they not care about being associated with a man who was jailed for having sex with two children, aged nine and eleven?
What the hell were they thinking?
Someone at Hewlett Packard clearly had a career ending moment of inspiration when they thought ‘who can we have for our new TV campaign? I know, Garry Glitter, he’s very popular with the kids’.
What’s even funnier is that the song they’ve chosen to use is ‘Do You Wanna Touch Me’… make your own jokes up there, this is just too easy.
Glitter has just re-entered the UK after being released from a Vietnam prison for sexual assault on children.
Unsurprisingly the use of the child molester’s music in a TV campaign has angered child protection organisations. Child Abuse-watch.net stated:
It shows a distinct lack of sensitivity.
Quite.
It may be the tackiest show of the year with some of the worst musical performances ever heard, but Eurovision is an institution, and the UK does like to enter it regardless of how corrupt, pointless and devoid of taste it may be.
However, as the UK has faired so abysmally in recent times, with Andy Abrahams finishing joint last earlier this year, and Scooch fairing little better the year before, the time has come for drastic action. Drastic action indeed, as the dark lord is entering the fray, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Not only will the little composer guy be penning a track for Britain’s entry, he’ll be holding a BBC TV show hosted by Graham Norton to pick the entrant. The BBC know how to raise cash don’t they?
The dark lord said:
Win, lose or draw, I am looking forward to every minute of it.
In my life I have never shied away from the impossible and this looks like the biggest mission impossible of all time.
But with the might of the BBC and the British public behind me (not to mention Graham Norton) who knows what will happen?
The corrupt voting system whereby every former Soviet State votes for Russia, and vice versa, is to change next year and allow a panel of judges to also vote. This prompted the dark lord to wade in and enter.
X-Factor’s really in for a bashing this week. First Steve what’s his name said nobody should vote on it because it’s like human bear baiting, now Noel Gallagher has criticised it for having nothing to do with music.
Bit harsh perhaps, but he’s entitled to his opinion.
Noel went on to accuse Dannii Minogue of not knowing talent when she sees it, despite being the winning judge last year.
Gallagher said in an interview with the Radio Times:
If somebody is dangling this carrot of ‘fame and fortune’ in front of a check-out girl from Barnsley who can sing like Britney Spears then they’re going to go for it.
But it seems to bring on instant mental illness. You’re going in at the top, with a number one that sells 750,000 or whatever and you’ve got someone like Dannii Minogue telling you you’re really talented - and if there’s one person in the room who wouldn’t know talent if it kicked them in the a*** it’s Dannii Minogue.
You spend a year slogging around the country and then what? You can’t go back to Barnsley and be a check-out girl ‘cos that would look bad.
So you end up either trying to be an actress or trying to sustain your profile by going on celebrity shows.
Noel then went on to slag off the whole X-Factor celebrity structure, saying that even if someone wins they’ll end up with very little money for their efforts, unlike Simon Cowell of course, who nets a fortune every year from the show.
Instead of instant fame and celebrity and all your ex-boyfriends and girlfriends coming out of the cupboard and your family being ripped apart, the prize ought to be, ‘I’ll introduce you to someone who might introduce you to someone who might, if you’re very lucky, know a producer who’d record one of your songs’. That’s the only way to make any money. Otherwise you sell five million records and earn 50 grand.
The X Factor has absolutely nothing to do with music and everything to do with television.
Cheeky Stoke chappie Robbie Williams, and some of Britain’s other top music artists are looking to take control of their music and wrestle it away from the evil, power hungry record labels that only give them a few million each for their work (the scoundrels).
Artists such as Robbie, the annoying Kate Nash and Radiohead have formed a new organisation (or union, you decide) to look after the interests of music performers in the UK. Their interests, of course, are all about money.
The new union, known as the Featured Artists’ Coalition, has more than 60 music performers signed up to it. They’re battling to retain ownership of their music, instead of the music labels that fund, promote and release it. They’re also after a larger cut of cash from their music, and wish to know exactly when, where, how and why their music is being used throughout the world.
They want the moon on a stick in other words.
Brian Message is the co-manager of Radiohead and the annoying Kate Nash:
It is time for artists to have a strong collective voice to stand up for their interests. The digital landscape is changing fast and new deals are being struck all the time, but all too often without reference to the people who actually make the music.
The Featured Artists’ Coalition will help all artists, young and old, well-known or not, drive overdue change through the industry in their interests and those of fans.
The new union will be announced publically in Manchester on Monday.
When it comes to pop stars getting front page headlines for drugs and sordid sexual encounters, the likes of Amy Winehouse have got nothing on former Wham! frontman George Michael. Goerge ‘brief toilet encounter’ Michael has gone and done it again, this time in London, and this time for class A drugs.
George doesn’t do things by half does he?
Previous indiscretions from George include lurid acts in a public toilet and being found asleep, stoned, behind the wheel of his car. Nobody woke him up before they went went.
George was arrested on Friday in North London and cautioned for possession of class A drugs. George has apologised to all of his fans for the incident, though to be honest why does he bother, getting arrested for taking drugs is part and parcel of being a pop star.
I want to apologise to my fans for screwing up again, and to promise them I’ll sort myself out. And to say sorry to everybody else, just for boring them.
Well done George, where’s Andrew Ridgley when you need him?
The world’s gone crazy, it’s official. According to the Vodafone Live Music Awards (like they’re any great shakes when it comes to deciding talent) the Spice Girls were voted the best reunion of 2007, beating off the challenge from Led Zeppelin.
Er, correct me if I’m wrong, but only two of the Spice Girls can actually sing, and their so called reunion ended the same as their career did the first time, when they argued and split acrimoniously. Just how was a tour by five annoying northern girls voted the best comeback of the last 12 months?
What next, and award for Westlife or Boyzone? Oh spare us, that could actually happen.
Just what are Vodafone doing with these awards anyway?
Baby Spice, the least annoying of the fivesome, was the only Spice Girl who attended the event. I guess the others didn’t think they’d win, and Emma exhibited some shock at beating Led Zeppelin.
We had a great time,” she said of the comeback tour. “So I just feel very lucky that I had the opportunity to do it again.
The thing is, when you go to a gig, you go for fun and entertainment and a night out.
And that’s exactly what we did and I think that’s why people enjoyed it so much.
Music fans need not fear though, as Bunton doesn’t think that the award will spur the girls on to reunite again. She says they have ‘other priorities’… wonder what they could be?
The carefully choreographed and meticulously planned out comeback from former pop-princess Britney Spears is heading into overdrive, as she’s set to appear on X-Factor. Not to be told by Simon Cowell that she’s rubbish, no, instead she’ll be performing towards Christmas to plug her latest single, suitably titled ‘Womanizer’.
Britney’s already picked up three MTV video awards (proving that talent isn’t necessary to win, just a good publicist) so her comeback is well on track. It’s funny how she managed to ‘win’ those awards too, as her last live appearance was at the MTV video awards the year before, where she was, for want of a better word, awful. So what has she done in the last twelve months to warrant an award, let alone three?
Also, despite her recent problems by getting divorced, thrown into rehab, having her children taken off her and shaving her head (the worst of those crimes by far) she’s actually back to something resembling a looker; which can’t be bad.
Hopefully for the contestants of X-Factor, Britney’s presence doesn’t mean the contestants have to perform one of her songs that week. How bad would that be?
It took a while, but finally someone has attacked Noel Gallagher. The brave soul even had a pop at Liam Gallagher; he deserves a medal for this.
Oasis were performing at the V Festival, in Toronto in Canada on Sunday night and some champion of justice leapt onto the stage and barged into Noel, knocking him off the stage as he tortured his guitar. I’m liking the sound of this guy already. He then turned his attentions to Liam, but sadly before he could do the annoying Manc any damage he was jostled to the ground by security guards.
Noel was rushed to hospital after being knocked off the stage, and according to a statement on Oasis’ website, Noel:
fell heavily onto his monitor speakers.
They believe he may have fractured a rib in the fall.
Even better news for music fans, the band’s Tuesday gig could be cancelled as a result.
As the security staff wrestled the attacker to the floor, Liam had to be restrained from fighting back. No doubt they were telling him ‘leave it Liam, he’s not worth it’.
If you look hard enough, you’ll find the clip on YouTube, at least until the power mad Oasis get it removed!
Here is a shocker - Jason Donovan is to release his first album in 15 years. It is going to be released in November and is inspired by music from the 1950s and 1960s. I wonder if it will do better than his last album, All Around the World, which sat around the 23 sport when released in 1995. I do not think so. I think it will do worse, but that may just be me.
Jason Donovan has been on TV a bit as of late - remember him on I’m A Celebrity.. Get Me Out Of Here? He was also in the Soap echo beach with Martine McCutcheon - it was the one that also had another TV show based around the making of Echo Beach, which was also fictional (confusing!).
The new album is going to be called Let It Be Me and will feature versions of classics songs such as Love Hurts and Smoke Gets In My Eyes. There will also be a new version of his song Sealed With A Kiss, as well as a new song, Dreamboats and Petticoats. I for one can definitely wait for this to come out. I could wait a very long time, maybe even years or decades if required.
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