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Russell Brand quit the BBC yesterday over his and Jonathon Ross’ misplaced practical joke on Fawlty Towers actor Andrew Sachs. The pair phone Sachs and left an answerphone message to the effect that Russell Brand had slept with Sachs’ neice (as it transpires, that was actually true) but the prank backfired when Sachs complained, and the BBC have now received thousands of complaints over the joke.
In addition to the resignation of Brand, his partner in cwime (see what we did there?) Ross, has been suspended.
Brand, famed for his uncontrollable outbursts, stated:
As I only do the radio show to make people laugh I’ve decided that given the subsequent coverage I will stop doing the show.
I got a bit caught up in the moment and forgot that at the core of the rude comments and silly songs were the real feelings of a beloved and brilliant comic actor and a very sweet and big hearted young woman.
I hope that now Jonathan and the BBC will endure less forensic wrath.
The fact that the prank has snowballed so much out of control to cause the two to be suspended, and thousands of complaints to pour in, that even Prime Minister Gordon Brown to wade in and condemn the jokesters.
Jonathan Ross is thought to be the highest paid presenter on British television at the moment, with a reported £18 million contract over three years.
They say lightening never strikes twice, but for 52 cows in Uruguay it doesn’t have to, because they were all killed at once by a single lightening bolt. The unlikely freak of nature happened, toasting the cows (but presumably not making them into tasty burgers) in San Jose.
All of the cows were touching a fence that went around their field when the lightening bolt struck the fence, electrocuting the cows all at the same time. A local newspaper released a photo of the cows, lined up and burnt to a charcoal colour by the unlikely event.
According to local veterinarians, cows often gather together in one place to shield themselves from storms. The fact that they crowded around a fence and were all killed at the same was unlucky, and indeed described by a meteorologist, Fernando Torena, as ‘very bad luck’.
It’s not known what will happen to the carcases of the cows now that they’ve been burned alive by lightening, but it’s rumoured that McDonalds have already tabled an offer for their new ‘McStrike burger’.
When you hire Russell Brand for any sort of public performance you’ve got to realise that he may just say something to make you cringe, and your lawyers start shaking nervously. It comes with his style, you expect it. Hire him at your own risk.
It’s surprising then that the BBC were in any way shocked that Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross caused them some embarrassment on radio on Monday.
The two were supposed to have former Fawlty Towers star Andrew Sachs (I know nothing, I’m from Barcelona) as a guest, but he didn’t show up. So Ross decided it was a good idea to phone him and find out where he was, getting his answer phone.
It was at this point that Ross thought it was amusing to leave a message to the effect that Russell Brand had slept with the 78-year-old actor’s granddaughter.
Hilarious!
Sadly Sachs didn’t see the funny side, and his agent sent in a letter of complaint to the BBC. A BBC spokeswoman stated:
We have received a letter of a complaint from Mr Sachs’ agent and would like to sincerely apologise to Mr Sachs for the offence caused.
We recognise that some of the content broadcast was unacceptable and offensive. We are reviewing how this came about and are responding to Mr Sachs personally.
What’s all the problem? Well, Ross left the message:
He f***** your granddaughter.
Worse yet for the BBC is that Mediawatch-UK has called for both Ross and Brand to be removed from the radio until the incident can be investigated.
The BBC remove their golden boy? Somehow that’s unlikely.
Traditionally armed robbers would raid establishments like banks and shops, they have a lot of money and are known to hand over the dough without too much of a fight. However a Manchester armed robber last week decided to rob a hairdressers.
Presumably he thought they might have a wad of cash rather than the usual few quid in tips hairdressers’ tend to have. The man entered the hairdressers salon in Reddish, Greater Manchester, and pulled a gun from under his coat.
What a brave tough guy.
He then demanded that two hairdressers, aged 50 and 41, empty the till and hand him the cash. The hard core criminal then fled the scene, leaving the two hairdressers stunned by the robbery.
Stockport CID’s Det Con Marcus Ellaby stated:
These victims have been left totally shocked by what happened to them.
They were just going about their daily business when they suddenly found themselves facing this robber and his gun.
We need to find this man. I urge you to contact us if you have any information.
If you’re an avid Facebook user you should be careful what you add to your Facebook profile page because you never know who’s watching. Employers have been using Facebook to research potential staff members for some time, but when you have a job and your boss is your Facebook friend, you need to be real careful what you put on your profile page.
Australian Kyle Doyle got into trouble this week when he called into work sick claiming he was unwell, but updated his Facebook status with the following message:
Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*ck it I’m still trashed. SICKIE WOO!
The imbecile then received an email from his boss asking for a doctor’s note from him, to which he replied insisting he didn’t need one for just one day’s absence. His confidence was undone however when his boss sent him a screenshot of his Facebook status, showing his proud boast of being ‘trashed’.
Kyle initially insisted:
My leave was due to medical reasons, so you cannot deny leave based on a line manager’s discretion, with no proof.
To which his boss replied:
I believe the proof that you are after is below.
Attaching a screenshot of the Facebook page. Be careful what you add to Facebook, or more accurately, who you add as a friend!
Kerry Katona is a classy bird, and make no mistake. She appeared on ITV’s intellectual show ‘This Morning’ with Fern Britton and the silver fox Philip Schofield, appearing to be pissed as a fart. Kerry didn’t seem to know what was going on and was slurring her words, but then she’s not the brightest star in the lunchbox, so it may be normal behaviour for her in the morning.
Every few moments she’d turn and holler for her husband, Mark, as though she were in a nightclub shouting her order for the bar. The former drug addicted, recently bankrupt, has been pop star wanted to chat about her cosmetic surgery, which was supposed to signal her return to normality.
Only celebrities can cut bits of themselves off and call it normal!
A stunned silver fox asked her:
You don’t seem right to me, you’ve got the body sorted but your speech is a bit slurred, how are you feeling?
Kerry seemed offended and astonished by the question at first, but then admitted it and gave the excuse that she was on medication, rather than being hammered off her face on Lambrini.
That’s because I’m on medication at night-time. I had some last night, didn’t I Mark?
Hardnosed journalist Fern Britton, clearly aiming for Paxman’s job, asked the drunken northern woman slouched on the sofa in front of her:
Have you got rid of one addiction by replacing it with another? Is it alcohol?
You can’t buy class.
What would you wear to rob a supermarket? Something black I expect, or something with big pockets, like a cheap, tacky plastic bomber jacket or one of those hill walker’s coats? How about doing it in the nude?
No, I didn’t think that was a good idea either, I mean, where would you hide your loot? Hmm, thinking about it, there are one or two places, but if you’re nicking groceries you wouldn’t want to eat them later.
However a Manchester local decided being nude was just the ticket when he went on the rob in his local Tesco Express. Things went wrong for the guy though when he managed to get himself wedged in a chimney in Tesco, and the police were called to free him.
How embarrassing. The 22-year-old scally was freed by Manchester fire-fighters, and found to be his naked. He claims his clothes fell off as he climbed up the chimney… yeah right.
The naked burglar, as no doubt he will now be known, tried to rob the Tesco Express in Pemberton, Wigan in the early hours of the morning. Police said after apprehending him:
It is believed some of his clothes came off as a result of him struggling to get out of the chimney.
What a weirdo!
I suddenly feel surplus to requirements as a plant in Japan has been discovered to write its own blogs. What the hell is the world coming to?
The pot plant named Midori-san, and for some reason classified as ‘female’, writes her own blogs from the comfort of a café in Japan for the amusement of diners. The whole thing has been thought up by crazy (because we assume he must be) engineer Satoshi Kuribayashi who has (for reasons unknown to us) created a computer system that allows the pot plant to transcribe her thoughts.
The trick is in the computer algorithm that alters the bio signals coming from the plant into Japanese. This must have Prince Charles feeling all smug all of a sudden.
An example of the plant’s blogging ability is:
Today was a sunny day and I was able to sunbathe a lot. I had quite a bit of fun today.
It’s rumoured that ITV have now signed up the plant to pen a new drama starring Robson Green.
Prisons are full of dangerous criminals, hard core nutters who’d kill you soon as look at you. Now one more hardened crim is going down, in the shape of 72-year-old terminally ill woman June Iddon.
June was involved in an argument with her neighbour, Jeffrey Grundy, after he wanted to move his garden fence into her garden. The courts found in favour of Jeffrey Grundy, saying that the land was his, and he meant to take it! June however wanted to defend her garden and attacked him with a shovel, breaking his arm as he was discussing his next move with his builder.
June was found guilty yesterday of assault, and was sent down for a spell of 24 weeks at Preston Crown Court. Lesley Anderson QC stated:
Notwithstanding your age and physical frailty a message needs to be sent to you that your behaviour cannot be acceptable.
Even today you have demonstrated no real appreciation of how serious the injury to Mr Grundy could have been, had he not been able to break the trajectory of the spade with his arm.
You have shown a complete lack of any remorse.
I am concerned you have accepted no culpability or responsibility for your actions.
It’s good that the courts are sending these hardened criminals down, making the streets a safer place for the rest of us. Marry this up with constant reports of how teen muggers get released or sent to Rhyl for a package holiday to ‘straighten them out’ and you can be sure that justice is being done.
Utter waste of time and money.
Jeremy Clarkson has made his own statement on the congestion charge by blowing up a double-decker bus with a rocket launcher to promote his latest DVD. Even better, the act has angered bus enthusiasts (yes, such people do exist, though why is beyond us) as the bus he destroyed was a rare one.
Apparently the bus Jezza destroyed was some ‘Routemaster’ bus that is worth £20k? The world’s gone mad. There’s only 500 of the buses still in existence (well, 499 now) and Clarkson’s just blown one to pieces for a publicity stunt.
The bus had the following slogan scrawled on the side:
Wasting space and causing jams in your community.
The best part is that bus nerds are up in arms over the incident, with Andrew Morgan (laughingly dubbed the chairman of the Routemaster Association, he must be fun at parties) stating:
This bus is held in great affection by the public. It was in service for the best part of 50 years and it’s been part of everyone’s life for so long.
It’s just sacrilege and a very sad thing to do. Why pick on a vehicle like that when you wouldn’t do it to a classic car and there are more of them?
There are plenty of other red double-deckers that he could pick on in scrapyards. It’s typical Clarkson. He does things just to make a story to sell his video.
Hilarious, he blew up a bus and offended idiots! A spokesman for the production company who made the DVD stated:
What Jeremy wants to blow up for his own, and viewers’ entertainment, is up to him.
However, it’s a well-known fact that he isn’t fond of buses.
You can watch the explosion on the Top Gear website.
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