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When you hire Russell Brand for any sort of public performance you’ve got to realise that he may just say something to make you cringe, and your lawyers start shaking nervously. It comes with his style, you expect it. Hire him at your own risk.
It’s surprising then that the BBC were in any way shocked that Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross caused them some embarrassment on radio on Monday.
The two were supposed to have former Fawlty Towers star Andrew Sachs (I know nothing, I’m from Barcelona) as a guest, but he didn’t show up. So Ross decided it was a good idea to phone him and find out where he was, getting his answer phone.
It was at this point that Ross thought it was amusing to leave a message to the effect that Russell Brand had slept with the 78-year-old actor’s granddaughter.
Hilarious!
Sadly Sachs didn’t see the funny side, and his agent sent in a letter of complaint to the BBC. A BBC spokeswoman stated:
We have received a letter of a complaint from Mr Sachs’ agent and would like to sincerely apologise to Mr Sachs for the offence caused.
We recognise that some of the content broadcast was unacceptable and offensive. We are reviewing how this came about and are responding to Mr Sachs personally.
What’s all the problem? Well, Ross left the message:
He f***** your granddaughter.
Worse yet for the BBC is that Mediawatch-UK has called for both Ross and Brand to be removed from the radio until the incident can be investigated.
The BBC remove their golden boy? Somehow that’s unlikely.
It’s been the same every week for the past four years, almost five in fact, whenever Chelsea play at the Bridge, they don’t lose. In fact their last home league defeat was way back in February 2004 when Claudio Ranieri was in charge and Neil Sullivan was the goalkeeper, when Chelsea lost at home to Arsenal.
Ever since then, almost five years, Chelsea haven’t been beaten at home in the league. All through the reigns of Jose Mourinho and Avram Grant, Chelsea were unstoppable at the Bridge. Now that Big Phil is in charge, that run looked like continuing, until today. Until Liverpool came to town.
The top two in the Premiership (if you don’t count Hull City, who are level on points with both sides) met for the first time this season at the Bridge, and it was Liverpool who came out on top, putting an end to Chelsea’s five year unbeaten run.
It was a scrappy goal to be fair, scored by Xabi Alonso, but it could have been more with Gerrard and Alonso again coming close. Chelsea didn’t even force a save from Reina, despite their free scoring so far this season.
Are Liverpool genuine title contenders now? With Manchester United and Chelsea already dispatched, you better believe it. Bring on Arsenal (and of course Hull, but we still don’t count them).
Traditionally armed robbers would raid establishments like banks and shops, they have a lot of money and are known to hand over the dough without too much of a fight. However a Manchester armed robber last week decided to rob a hairdressers.
Presumably he thought they might have a wad of cash rather than the usual few quid in tips hairdressers’ tend to have. The man entered the hairdressers salon in Reddish, Greater Manchester, and pulled a gun from under his coat.
What a brave tough guy.
He then demanded that two hairdressers, aged 50 and 41, empty the till and hand him the cash. The hard core criminal then fled the scene, leaving the two hairdressers stunned by the robbery.
Stockport CID’s Det Con Marcus Ellaby stated:
These victims have been left totally shocked by what happened to them.
They were just going about their daily business when they suddenly found themselves facing this robber and his gun.
We need to find this man. I urge you to contact us if you have any information.
If you’re an avid Facebook user you should be careful what you add to your Facebook profile page because you never know who’s watching. Employers have been using Facebook to research potential staff members for some time, but when you have a job and your boss is your Facebook friend, you need to be real careful what you put on your profile page.
Australian Kyle Doyle got into trouble this week when he called into work sick claiming he was unwell, but updated his Facebook status with the following message:
Kyle Doyle is not going to work, f*ck it I’m still trashed. SICKIE WOO!
The imbecile then received an email from his boss asking for a doctor’s note from him, to which he replied insisting he didn’t need one for just one day’s absence. His confidence was undone however when his boss sent him a screenshot of his Facebook status, showing his proud boast of being ‘trashed’.
Kyle initially insisted:
My leave was due to medical reasons, so you cannot deny leave based on a line manager’s discretion, with no proof.
To which his boss replied:
I believe the proof that you are after is below.
Attaching a screenshot of the Facebook page. Be careful what you add to Facebook, or more accurately, who you add as a friend!
Sadly this isn’t some girl band on girl band inter-group slug fest, possibly with jelly or mud. Instead it’s a war of words started by common as much (yet well fit) Geordie member of Girls Aloud, Cheryl Cole, has branded the Spice Girls as inferior, and stating that they never really accomplished anything other than arguing with each other.
Cheryl’s had a cob on her since joining X-Factor as the token eye-candy, and being presented with wannabe (see what we did there) girl bands and singers who cite the Spice Girls as their idols. Cheryl thinks they should be aiming to be more like Girls Aloud, and presumably have a fight with a toilet attendant in a night club!
When Cheryl hears people praising the Spice Girls she retorts:
I think: ‘Piss off!’ We’ve been around for six years - they were around for 18 months!
Cheryl complains that her band has been around for six years and fought for every inch of success, whereas the Spice Girls had a limited run and just frittered it away with infighting.
We recognise what the Spice Girls did, but it really annoys me when you meet girls who go: ‘We wannabe the next Spice Girls.’
Yes, they had worldwide domination, but they fell out, bitched about each other and went their separate ways.
We’ve been around all this time, fighting to climb each step of the ladder, putting our hearts into everything.
Come on girls; let’s settle this with a girl on girl fight, preferably with some custard.
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Kerry Katona is a classy bird, and make no mistake. She appeared on ITV’s intellectual show ‘This Morning’ with Fern Britton and the silver fox Philip Schofield, appearing to be pissed as a fart. Kerry didn’t seem to know what was going on and was slurring her words, but then she’s not the brightest star in the lunchbox, so it may be normal behaviour for her in the morning.
Every few moments she’d turn and holler for her husband, Mark, as though she were in a nightclub shouting her order for the bar. The former drug addicted, recently bankrupt, has been pop star wanted to chat about her cosmetic surgery, which was supposed to signal her return to normality.
Only celebrities can cut bits of themselves off and call it normal!
A stunned silver fox asked her:
You don’t seem right to me, you’ve got the body sorted but your speech is a bit slurred, how are you feeling?
Kerry seemed offended and astonished by the question at first, but then admitted it and gave the excuse that she was on medication, rather than being hammered off her face on Lambrini.
That’s because I’m on medication at night-time. I had some last night, didn’t I Mark?
Hardnosed journalist Fern Britton, clearly aiming for Paxman’s job, asked the drunken northern woman slouched on the sofa in front of her:
Have you got rid of one addiction by replacing it with another? Is it alcohol?
You can’t buy class.
What would you wear to rob a supermarket? Something black I expect, or something with big pockets, like a cheap, tacky plastic bomber jacket or one of those hill walker’s coats? How about doing it in the nude?
No, I didn’t think that was a good idea either, I mean, where would you hide your loot? Hmm, thinking about it, there are one or two places, but if you’re nicking groceries you wouldn’t want to eat them later.
However a Manchester local decided being nude was just the ticket when he went on the rob in his local Tesco Express. Things went wrong for the guy though when he managed to get himself wedged in a chimney in Tesco, and the police were called to free him.
How embarrassing. The 22-year-old scally was freed by Manchester fire-fighters, and found to be his naked. He claims his clothes fell off as he climbed up the chimney… yeah right.
The naked burglar, as no doubt he will now be known, tried to rob the Tesco Express in Pemberton, Wigan in the early hours of the morning. Police said after apprehending him:
It is believed some of his clothes came off as a result of him struggling to get out of the chimney.
What a weirdo!
I suddenly feel surplus to requirements as a plant in Japan has been discovered to write its own blogs. What the hell is the world coming to?
The pot plant named Midori-san, and for some reason classified as ‘female’, writes her own blogs from the comfort of a café in Japan for the amusement of diners. The whole thing has been thought up by crazy (because we assume he must be) engineer Satoshi Kuribayashi who has (for reasons unknown to us) created a computer system that allows the pot plant to transcribe her thoughts.
The trick is in the computer algorithm that alters the bio signals coming from the plant into Japanese. This must have Prince Charles feeling all smug all of a sudden.
An example of the plant’s blogging ability is:
Today was a sunny day and I was able to sunbathe a lot. I had quite a bit of fun today.
It’s rumoured that ITV have now signed up the plant to pen a new drama starring Robson Green.
Everyone’s favourite prostitute (but not so popular as a singer, eurgh) Billie Piper, has given birth to one of the luckiest little boys in the country. Her newborn son, who will presumably get to suckle on her breasts (hmm, heaven) was born just a few hours ago in the Portland Hospital, in London.
The odd thing was, the news was broken to the world by Billie’s ex-husband, Chris Evans, on his Radio 2 blog.
Mum is very happy and I am really pleased. There are some tears of joy up there.
At the time of this writing, the little fella is not even fifteen hours old.
He is cute as you like and didn’t cry once for the few minutes I was there which was just a few moments ago.
Does anyone else think it’s a little odd that Billie’s ex-husband was at the hospital, and that he broke the news to the world? I hope Billie’s new husband, Laurence Fox, checks the baby over for signs of gingeritis.
Ginger Evans even announced the baby’s name, Winston James Fox.
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