WALL•E

Those nasty Pixar people have really done it this time. Why do they hate film critics so much?

I am so narked that if I ever get to meet Andrew Stanton, John Lasseter or Brad Bird, I’m going punch each of them square on the nose. And Stanton’s also getting one in the gut, just for good measure.

What has got me so riled? Well, once you see WALL•E, you’ll understand, because those smarty-pants at Pixar have produced a movie that’s so delightful, so full of joy and wonder, and so nigh-on perfect that they’ve made the job even tougher for us poor, beleaguered film critics.

Because it’s so much easier to write really nasty things about crap films (see Norbit, Meet the Spartans or The Hottie & The Nottie) than it is to keep coming up with fresh superlatives each year as Pixar rolls out yet another cinematic masterpiece.

So just this once we’ve done a Spinal Tap and cranked our rating up to a 6 out of 5 – that’ll learn ’em, the swines.

So. On to WALL•E itself. Which, as you may have guessed by now, we consider to be the finest thing to ever come out of the Pixar studios. Yes, it’s better than the Toy Stories, Monsters, Inc, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles and even Ratatouille.

It's one of the most genuinely romantic, warm-hearted and downright human films we've ever had the fortune to see. And it's a film about robots.

Stanton has said that WALL•E began life as a very simple idea: what if everyone was forced to abandon the Earth, and they forgot to turn off the last robot?

WALL•E (which stands for Waste Allocation Load Lifter — Earth class) is basically a trash compactor on treads, and looks a little like a metal version of E.T.

He's been alone on Earth now for hundreds of years, with just a cockroach for company. WALL•E fills his days going about what he was programmed to do — cleaning up the planet.

And doing something else that he wasn't programmed to do — developing a personality. Which really comes to the fore when EVE (Extraterrestrial Vegetation Evaluator) — all white and sleek and shiny, like a futuristic iPod — arrives on Earth to see if life has returned to the planet yet.

WALL•E falls head over heels for the lovely but oblivious, all-business EVE and hitches a ride on her rocketship as she leaves. And that's where WALL•E's adventure really begins.

There is so much to like, and even love, in this movie, and almost nothing to dislike. Some have criticised it for its lack of dialogue, but you don't need words when the visuals are this sharp, this clever and this heartfelt.

For me, one of the finest moments in the whole movie is when we see WALL•E going past a series of holographic billboards, which proceed to fill us in on the entire backstory — just what happened to the Earth, and why humanity had to leave, and where they went.

And entire scene of exposition, done in a neat little 30-second tracking shot. That, for me, sums up the genius of Pixar. Other filmmakers need to see this and take note, to learn just how perfection can be achieved. WALL•E is Pixar's loveletter to audiences. Go, see it, and love it. It truly is a masterpiece.

5/5

More reviews over at Screenjabber.com

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