The Clone Wars

Looks nice but what's the point?

Set somewhere between Episodes II and III — which, if memory serves, were Attack of the Clones and Debbie Does Dallas — Star Wars: The Clone Wars is a slickly impressive bit of animation designed to sell more toys / improve George's bank balance / keep the fan boys happy (delete as applicable).

The plot is ... well, Jabba The Hutt's son (known, without any sense of irony, as a Huttlet) has been kidnapped and it's up to the Jedis to save him.

Or her. Or it.

Meanwhile, the Separatists are trying to make it look like the Jedis kidnapped him or her or it in the first place so that Jabba will prevent the Galactic Republic using the shipping lanes he controls so that Plymouth Argyll and their clone army can take over the entire universe.

Despite the fact that the sides have about eight different names apiece, it's basically good v evil with knobs on.

The politics are heaped on to give the whole thing an air of importance, but instead leave you thinking that George Lucas has Tolkien's Disease: an overwhelming conviction that everyone is as interested as you in your characters' side plots and back story.

Some undoubtedly are but hey, they need the occasional diversion from internet porn, and walking to the cinema will be the first daylight they've seen for weeks, so leave 'em be.

Most of us, though, have this thing called 'a life' (and, indeed, 'deodorant') and it's hard to see this majority working up any enthusiasm for a cartoon that fills in an alleged 'gap' from six years ago.

There are other problems too. The script follows the standard Lucas format of finishing every scene with a 'comedy aside' — none of which is funny.

They also attempt so many (failed) slapstick gags with the battle droids you assume the available settings are 'on', 'off', 'kill' and 'pratfall'.

There's still no explanation why Jabba can understand English but can't speak it himself, and why does Obi-Wan Kenobi have a wooden beard? Seriously, he looks like he wants the Clone Wars to be over so he can go back to advertising Cuprinol.

Yes, the animation is excellent (and the absence of Hayden Christensen is a VERY GOOD THING) and yes, you do get to see a camp Hutt relative (think Leigh Bowery crossed with a newt) but it's hard not to ask yourself 'what's the point?'

2/5

Luckily we're buddies with those movie buff bods over at www.screenjabber.com who provided this review.

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