Madonna

Madge: Too much candy will make you lick your glove.

Hard Candy

Madge is back with a beat-laden studio album and pervy new look but it’s only her business plan we’re impressed with.

The near 50-plus queen of reinvention has been in the game a long time and she’s fine tuned her business strategy to such a degree we wouldn’t be surprised if she was given an honorary MBA from Harvard alongside the inevitable MTV award for best pre-bus pass poptegenarian.

With her skilful manipulation of the music industry and her droves of besotted disco dolly and fag-hag fans Hard Candy will of course, sell. But is it all finally wearing a bit thin?

You couldn’t blame her for the odd stinker; her strike-rate is impressive and previous album Confessions on a Dancefloor was her best effort for years. Thanks should go to Stuart ‘Jacques Le Cont’ Price who produced a modern pop masterpiece.

Madge has always been smart enough to enlist the best of breed in knob-twiddling production and writing for all her albums. She’s either a pop culture sponge or pop vulture – you choose. And Hard Candy is nothing new apart from another new look at somebody else’s musical direction.

It’s like a best of the last 18 months, a mish-mash of all the pop music and culture trends stitched together by the ‘hottest’ producers (Pharrell and ubiquitous Timbaland among others), art directed by Madge herself, all appropriated from elsewhere and presented as original and unique.

That’s just the problem, with Hard Candy it’s like she is playing catch up. We’re bored of beats - especially from Timbaland - we’re not shocked by her overtly provocative poses – she’s trying too hard - we’re suspicious of the mega deals with Vodafone and LiveNation - especially when it costs the GDP of a small nation to see her live.

Madge we’ve sussed you; it’s all a bit cynical. Give anyone the best stylists, producers, video directors, PR team and they’ll likely have a hit. Mix it with someone of the naked ambition and drive to get things done and you’ll be hard pushed to muck it up..

Madge is the factory, and it’s she who is coming off the production line yet again – just with another paint job and whatever parts are doing the rounds. Unfortunately on this occasion it inspires as much excitement as a brand new Ford Mondeo.

We say: It's a cynical teeth rotting business this pop lark.

They say: 'your disappointment is tempered by the certainty that there'll be another Madonna album along in a bit.' The Guardian.

Best Track: Give It 2 Me, ska-esque greed-beat.

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