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Alba aisle woe

Curses to this marriage lark

Oh well, chaps. The fantasies were nice while they lasted. Jessica's off the market. And she's got the jewellery to prove it.

Mum-to-be Jessica Alba has tied the knot with Cash Warren. Yeah, we could poke fun at his name but he can just turn round and point out that yes, he might sound like a Country & Western singer but look who he sees naked every day.

And that 's the sort of statement that wins any argument.

Alba's rep, Brad Cafarelli, confirmed to People magazine that yes, his soon-to-be MILF client and Cash got hitched on Monday, at the Beverly Hills courthouse.

And under an arch of green silk foliage and white flowers for anyone interested in such things. Although if you were interested in those things we don't suppose you'll be reading this. According to a source – damn that source gets EVERYWHERE – the couple married alone, with no friends and family present, and Jessica ‘looked happy but nervous’.

The couple then went home and had glossy Hollywood sex. Probably. Honestly, that Cash.

He'll do anything to win an argument.

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By: Neil Davey, 21.05.08