Red Devils draw Celtic

Rooney will square up against Celtic

It’s the Battle of Britain in the Champions League this season as holders Manchester United have drawn Celtic in their qualifying group.

David Gill, the United chief executive, announced: ‘It’s a great event, their passionate fans and our passionate fans at Old Trafford and up at Celtic Park.’

Which is good, because it shows he knows where he’s going.

The clubs will also face Villareal, who can be tricky, and Aalborg, who can be… er, well, looked up on Google? Found on a map of Denmark?

Last season’s runners-up (or ‘losers’ as we also like to call them) Chelsea have got a tougher sounding group, with Roma and Bordeaux plus, er, CFR Cluj who are from Romania.

Actually, there are no easy rides at all, but Liverpool – PSV Eindhoven, Marseille and Atletico Madrid – can’t be jumping for joy while Arsene Wenger - Porto, Fenerbahce and Dynamo Kiev – is probably already writing his excuses.

Arsenal director Danny Fiszman wasn’t happy with the draw. ‘One of the big issues is the distances we have to travel,’ he explained.

Yeah, but just think of the Air Miles, mate.

‘They are tough games with very difficult stadia to play in. I’m sure they will be very stiff competition, the results at home will be what will decide this group.’

Yes. And the team with most goals will win and the round bouncy white thing is called ‘a ball’.

The Champions League kicks off on September 16. Better get the beers in then…

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